Minor Villains Support Group
by Dragon'sHost
Summary: Due to overcrowding, some of Fiore's lesser criminals are being released back into society. Provided they follow the rules and attend the weekly support group meetings, they might just become decent citizens. Maybe. Lahar isn't holding out much hope.
1. The Memo

**I know. Another series. I'm a horrible person. At least this one is a true drabble series?**

**Word count (without author's notes): 100**

**Off to a good start!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>The memo that crossed the desk of Captain Lahar of the 4th Custody Enforcement Unit was a mildly alarming one for a Monday morning. But then, this was to be expected. Everything always went wrong first thing Monday morning.<p>

Upon reading it, Lahar nearly spit out his morning coffee (third mug so far).

Due to prison crowding, the Magic Council had decided to release some of the inmates convicted of lesser crimes. It was up to Lahar to plan, dictate, and oversee the implementation of a solution.

Lahar had serious doubts as to the idea's efficacy.

But he followed orders.

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><p><strong>Accepting requests, if there's a villain you want to see. Please stick to the minor ones, though.<strong>

**Please review.**


	2. Guild Masters Memo

**Glad you guys like this so far. Here's some more.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p><strong>Guild Masters Notice:<strong>

_On behalf of the Magic Council, I, the Captain of the 4__th__ Custody Enforcement Unit, am pleased to introduce to you a new initiative for your consideration. Kindly review the attached pamphlet for the full details._

_Please direct all queries and requests to myself, at Era._

_Lahar_

Lahar sighed and set down his quill. It killed something inside him to say he was in support of the plan, but anything less would be insubordination.

Would it be petty, though, to neglect to send one to Fairy Tail?

Criminals in their ranks would probably not lessen the destruction…

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><p><strong>Poor Lahar. His torture is nowhere near complete.<strong>


	3. Conditional Release Guidelines

**I am having WAY too much fun with this.**

**I have discovered that it's hard to keep a list within the word limit.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p><strong>Conditional Release Guidelines:<strong>

1. Be sponsored by LEGAL guild.

2. Obey Fiore's laws.

3. Obey city laws.

4. Obey prefecture laws.

5. Just obey all laws.

6. Cohabitate with designated supervisory mage of sponsoring guild.

7. Missions must be taken with supervisor.

8. File weekly progress reports – one copy by you, one by supervisor.

**9. Attend the mandatory weekly support/rehabilitation group meetings. This is non-negotiable.**

_Follow these rules for 2 years, and your release shall become permanent._

_Break them, and you will serve the remainder of your sentence in maximum security._

_Best of luck._

_Captain Lahar, 4__th__ Custody Enforcement Unit_

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><p><strong>Next chapter we have our very first villain!<strong>


	4. First Release

**Now it's not only Lahar that will be tortured!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Before the notice had even gone out to the inmates, Lahar had already received a petition from a legal guild asking to be a sponsor for one of the criminals.<p>

Finding no fault with the request, Lahar would have been happy to oblige…

If only it weren't so damned suspicious.

But at least it wasn't Fairy Tail.

And the prisoner in question was begging to not to be let out.

"Any guild but that one!" he cried.

Lahar couldn't refuse the personal request from the Master of that guild, however.

And so Kageyama became the newest member of Blue Pegasus.

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><p><strong>He's doomed.<br>**


	5. Letters

**Glad you all loved Kageyama's impending doom! Here's the next one!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail**

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><p>The reception of the plan went over surprisingly well with the administration, Lahar's bosses, the general public (weird, that), and even the legal guilds.<p>

But they should have anticipated the furor that the prisoners would react with.

Desperate to get an early release, many had started letter writing campaigns that would put politicians to shame (a good number of them _were_ politicians, after all).

Lahar was still less than enthused. Maybe because he had to screen all the criminals' mail before it left Era, in case they tried something they shouldn't.

He'd already found three makeshift bombs.

He hated Mondays.

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><p><strong>Mondays kick Lahar's ass.<strong>


	6. Doranbolt

**This is probably going to be the only chapter posted today. I need to write a few more later to post throughout the week. And another chapter of one of my longer fics. And go to a medieval fair. Then do laundry. My day is packed.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Most of Lahar's problems could be blamed on four things, and those alone.<p>

Starting with…

Coffee deficiency.

Monday mornings.

Fairy Tail.

And perhaps most of all...

Doranbolt.

Always, always Doranbolt.

So when Lahar discovered, quite by accident when a pair of aides hovering around the water cooler gossiped at an obnoxious volume, that they had overheard that an Intelligence Division officer had volunteered Lahar for the ridiculous criminal rehabilitation endeavor.

Although not technically in his Division, and thus not under his direct purview, it didn't mean that Lahar couldn't bury the man in the petition paperwork.

Doranbolt cried.

Lahar snickered.

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><p><strong>Lahar gets his revenge.<strong>

**Next will be Kageyama's arrival at Blue Pegasus…**


	7. Kageyama's Arrival

**I know I said I wasn't going to post again today, but there were demands made. And I have no willpower, so I capitulated. My willpower collapsed like a house of cards.**

**So here is the next one.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Kageyama stared at the guild he'd been dropped off at.<p>

Was that a… winged horse on the front?

The doors flung open, mages eager to see their new arrival pouring out. They crowded around the shadow mage, unleashing rapid-fire questions at the overwhelmed man.

"Move along, dears, and greet our new guest properly!"

Dread consumed Kageyama.

"Kagey!"

A heavyset man in a frilly outfit flounced toward him, sparkles in the air.

Bristles grating against his skin, Kageyama endured the enthusiastic embrace he was given.

It was all in the name of freedom.

This did not really feel like freedom, though.

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><p><strong>Now I actually do need to go and write more stuff! So you guys can read this throughout the week!<strong>


	8. Doranbolt Plans

**It really tickles me pink to see that you guys like this story. I'm going to try to update once a day on this for the week.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Doranbolt was greatly displeased with his new situation. If there was one thing he hated the most, it would have to be paperwork. Which he was currently being forced to do. In copious amounts.<p>

As he wandered to the bar after work, he thought that if he never saw another scrap of wood pulp again it would be too soon.

Something needed to be done about it.

Unfortunately, Lahar had subverted most of his available options for getting out of the chore.

He froze in his steps as the perfect plan came to him.

Lahar would totally hate it.

Perfect.

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><p><strong>Lahar is in for it now.<strong>


	9. Welcome

**The next few chapters will be centered on Kageyama and Blue Pegasus.**

**Posting this one a little earlier in the day for you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Once Kageyama had been hauled bodily through the doors to the guild (and he meant literally <em>through<em>, for they were shut), by Master Bob he was deposited delicately on a barstool.

As Master Bob phased through counter, the rest of Blue Pegasus opened the doors and sauntered over to their new guild mate.

Introductions were shot off at Kageyama in machine-gun repetition, the shadow mage only catching the occasional name as many pretty boys and bishoujos were paraded past him.

Master Bob smiled serenely at his beloved children and their enthusiasm.

"Welcome to the family, my dear."

Kageyama believed him.

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><p><strong>Trimens show up next!<strong>


	10. The Trimens

**I decided to post a second chapter for today before I head off to volleyball.**

**My brain has been trying to convince me to start shipping Lucy or Erza with Kage. Not for this story, mind… but still. Good grief.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Soon the barstools around the released criminal were full.<p>

"I'm Hibiki, in case you didn't catch it earlier in the mob," the man to Kageyama's right chuckled.

Kageyama shook the legal mage's hand warily.

"I'm Eve!" a boy to Hibiki's right introduced himself cheerfully.

"Ren," a tanned man said to Kageyama's left, not making eye contact and slumping indifferently.

Master Bob giggled as he polished the glassware, a sound that sent prickles of terror up Kageyama's spine. "Well, it seems the Trimens have taken a liking to you!"

Introducing themselves was considered favor?

This might take some getting used to.

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><p><strong>The Trimens! I love them so much.<strong>


	11. Supervisor

**We're going to stick with Kageyama for a bit. I just felt like writing more of him…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>"My dear boy…"<p>

Kageyama still didn't like the way that sounded.

"We need to figure out who shall be your supervisor!" Master Bob suggested.

The Trimens perked up.

"Tch!" Ren clicked his tongue. "Don't look at me!" After a moment's pause, he added, "Though I suppose I could make room. If you really wanted."

…Was that a yes? Or a no? Kageyama wasn't sure.

"My place has a spare room. Though, I may have to escort the… current occupant out."

Not Hibiki, then.

"I used to be a Rune Knight. Magic Council won't object if I do it."

This warranted a second appraisal of the younger, blonde mage smiling brightly at him.

How old was Eve, exactly…?

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><p><strong>Eve is an enigma. I need more Eve stories.<strong>


	12. Ichiya

**Here's the next little LOL! *winks at GemNika***

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail**

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><p>"Men!" a deep voice shouted from directly behind Kageyama, scaring the crap out him. Having nearly fallen off his barstool, the shadow mage clung to the counter for support.<p>

"Teacher!" his three companions exclaimed, leaping up and standing at military attention. "How was your mission, Leader?"

"Men! I have returned!" a short, orange haired… troll(?) in a suit announced unnecessarily, and a bit belatedly.

The Trimens bowed. "Sir Ichiya! It's great to have you back!"

Who was this… person (tentatively)? That was the third title they'd used for him!

"We would like to introduce you to someone, Master Ichiya!"

…Fourth.


	13. Taken Under Wing

**A special Friday treat: this chapter is twice the length of the normal ones. I didn't want to split it into two.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>The bulbous face of the troll-man turned towards Kageyama and regarded him with as much interest as his apparent lackeys. "The name is Ichiya Vandalay Kotobuki. And might I enquire as to your name, my good man?"<p>

Kageyama shook the older mage's proffered hand. "Um… Kageyama."

"A mildly strange name, but we are not ones to judge."

…Wasn't _that_ technically judging?

"Regardless, Um-Kageyama…"

He didn't bother to correct Ichiya. It wasn't worth it.

"The question remains what to do in regards to your quarters if I heard the situation correctly." At his (reluctant) affirming nod, Ichiya stated bluntly, "Then you shall be a guest in mine own home for the duration of your probation at Blue Pegasus." He glanced at his subordinates. "Unfortunately, I cannot allow these ones to take responsibility for you as they are still under tutelage themselves. However, it is no trouble for me to take yet another disciple under my wing."

The Trimens grinned and began to clap enthusiastically. "Excellent idea, my lord! This is a wise decision, older brother!"

Kageyama wished that they would just pick a title and stick with it already.

Ichiya posed for his minions (that was totally what they were from Kageyama's perspective). "Men!"

…It was going to be a LONG two years.


	14. Lahar Plots

**I upped the rating for this fic, due to swearing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail**

The piece of offending paperwork shook from the sheer force of Lahar's hold upon it. The innocuous, innocent looking sentences contained on its glossy white surface were deeply offensive to the man.

Doranbolt had managed to accomplish what Lahar had believed to be impossible.

He had succeeded in making Lahar's future Mondays even more detestable and horrible than they already were.

It was an endeavor worthy of an Intelligence Division Officer. Even Lahar could admit that.

Doranbolt was a brilliant son of a bitch.

Lahar was going to murder him.

And find a way to blame Fairy Tail for it.


	15. Borrowing

**Kageyama shall begin his training!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Ignoring Kageyama's protests, Hibiki picked up the parolee's single small bag that held his few personal possessions. "Don't worry about it! If we're going to teach you to be a proper host, you need to see what it looks like!"<p>

"…I don't want to be a host."

"You'll change your mind!" Hibiki sang as he hauled the luggage off, presumably to Ichiya's residence.

The remaining Trimens clustered around Kageyama.

"Mister Ichiya!" Eve said, glancing at his mentor. "Mind if we borrow him for a bit?"

"Men!"

"Have fun, dearies!" Master Bob called, waving a white handkerchief in farewell.

…Kageyama did not want to think about where he might have pulled that out from. That tutu did not have pockets.


	16. Accoutrements

**I think I need to mention something: this fic initially takes place during the Galuna Island arc. Because I need Kageyama and company to show up during the Fantasia Parade like they do in the anime. In fact, that scene is what inspired the entire fic; I wanted to explain why they were there when they were supposed to be in prison. The fic will progress beyond that point, though.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>As he was dragged away, Ren and Eve made a list of everything Kageyama would need.<p>

"A suit."

"More than one, Ren. You can never have too many suits, and there's a lot of different kinds for varying occasions."

"I knew that! He needs cufflinks, as well."

"Granted. Casual-formal wear."

"Sign him up for all the usual lessons."

"A rack for the new clothes."

"Hair care products."

"Hair care in general."

"He needs the whole spa package, quite frankly."

Kageyama did not think he really needed any of this crap.

As one, the two remaining Trimens chorused, "Sparkle food."

"…What…?"


	17. Long Day

**Chrys – another chapter. Just for you. Sadly does not contain the punchline you were looking forward to. Two days, my friend. Two days.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>After his day of shopping, Kageyama was exhausted. First he'd been forced into clothing he hadn't been aware existed let alone ever conceived of owning himself. Then the Trimens, with Hibiki who by that point had caught up to them (did they slip a homing beacon onto Kageyama or something?), took him around to the local spa the threesome frequented.<p>

He'd been… shaved. His hair styled. Then he'd been waxed. And the remainder of his body scrubbed within an inch of his life.

Everything hurt._ Everything._

He'd had no idea that maintaining the good looks of the Trimens was so damn hard.


	18. New Residence

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Ichiya's house terrified Kageyama, and he couldn't even see it well in the dim light at the hour the Trimens finally dragged him there.<p>

He couldn't make out the outside in any great detail, but the inside was large, and very much a maze. There were doors that led to nowhere. And a staircase that went up continuously – only for Kageyama to find himself now on the floor below where he had initially started.

Getting lost would be a regular occurrence.

How in the world did Ichiya navigate this labyrinth? Through sense of smell?

…Actually, that was probably exactly it.


	19. New Room

**For some reason, once Ichiya gets involved the chapters double in length.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Eventually Ichiya hunted down the lost mage (through sense of smell, Kageyama was positive – also, Ichiya admitted it) and directed him to the guestroom he would be staying in. It adjoined to Ichiya's own bedroom so that he could keep a close eye on Kageyama.<p>

Kageyama couldn't repress his shudder.

Especially upon seeing the décor of his new… habitation.

He thought it vaguely resembled… no. There were no words.

Were those Technicolor pegasi on the walls?

Yes. Yes they were.

With matching bed sheets and comforter. And Master Bob's face embroidered on all the pillows.

Incredulous, and believing it could not get any worse, Kageyama watched as Ichiya then proved that it, indeed, could.

Ichiya placed some of the so-called 'Sparkle Food' on the bottom of a mesh cage on one of the bureaus. "Since you don't have your own yet, I shall lend you some of mine. Men!"

Horror swept through the dark mage as the sparkles surrounding Ichiya floated off him into the cage, which was then snapped shut firmly behind them.

The sparkles were… _alive?!_

Kageyama wondered if it was too late to make a break for it.

He never thought he would miss his cell this much.


	20. First Night

**I'm super excited by how much you all like the Sparkles! They will hog a lot of the spotlight, because they're addicts. Also, a lot more people seem to be reading this story than I thought would. Which is so coooool…**

**And we've reached 20 chapters! I feel like partying. Maybe I'll just write more chapters, instead!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>1. Kageyama did not sleep well at all that night. For many reasons. In fact, he was so bored and tired he made a list.<p>

2. Ichiya's snores can go through solid walls.

3. Ichiya also talks in his sleep. A lot. At high volume.

4. Those Technicolor pegasi? Apparently glow-in-the-dark paint.

5. The Sparkle-Creatures also glow all damn night long.

6. The house creaks ominously at random intervals just when he's about nod off, like something is stalking the hallways. (A lost would-be burglar, perhaps?)

7. Master Bob's face was embroidered on all the pillows… staring at him. Constantly.

8. Also, he had this rather intense fear that the Sparkles would break free of their flimsy mesh cage and eat him in his sleep.

It was mostly the last one that kept him awake.

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><p><strong>I greatly encourage you all to look up where the Sparkles show up in Fairy Tail. The Sparkles totally ship Jerza.<strong>


	21. Monday Morning

**And Lahar returns!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Lahar's slumber was broken by the unmistakable sounds of Doranbolt invading his home. This was an occurrence common enough, but it was Monday. Normally Doranbolt wasn't brave enough to face Lahar at his crankiest - before he'd even had his first cup of coffee.<p>

Actually, it usually took three or four before Lahar turned into a decent human being again.

But that was beside the point.

What was important was that Doranbolt (it was never anyone else) was making pointless noise.

Which begged the question… why WAS Doranbolt banging pots and pans around in Lahar's kitchen at…

Lahar glanced at the clock.

3:37 AM.

OH HELL NO.


	22. Off To A Bad Start

**The site is finally back up! Now I can post this and Shooting The Breeze!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Groaning, Lahar pulled himself out of his bed. Fumbling around, he tried to find his glasses – cursing the fact that he needed the things in order to find them in the first place. His hand brushed against them, knocking them off the end table.<p>

While Lahar tried to locate them in the dark, there was a sudden crashing noise. Jumping, Lahar bashed his head against the furniture.

Sudden swearing caught Lahar's attention, right before smoke billowed out from his kitchen, suffusing the rest of the dwelling.

Then the piercing screech of the smoke alarm resounded throughout the space.

Doranbolt was going to die.


	23. Reason For Kitchen Fire

**It really is amazing Doranbolt survives long enough to infiltrate Fairy Tail…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Once the fire had been put out, Doranbolt sat, contrite, on the kitchen tiles.<p>

"Now why are you in my house, setting fire to my kitchen, and otherwise disturbing my rest at three o'clock in the morning?" Lahar grit out. After a moment's pause, he added, "How did you get in, anyway?"

"I copied the key one day while you weren't looking."

Facepalming, Lahar resolved to increase his security measures.

"As for the fire…"

And here it comes.

"I got hungry waiting for you to get up."

Lahar started to shake. "So you thought you would just help yourself?"

"Yes."


	24. Kageyama's Morning

**I can't believe I forgot to update. Here's the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Kageyama was not having a good morning either.<p>

Because he hadn't slept. At all.

The Sparkles were taunting him. He knew it in his soul. They just glowed there, in their flimsy little cage.

"Go to sleep," they told him with their winking lights. "Don't worry. We won't eat you. You won't feel a thing…"

He was onto them. They couldn't trick him with their innocuous glowing. He was a shadow mage. He wasn't afraid of anything.

Okay, not quite true. Kageyama could fully admit to being terrified of Master Bob.

But the Sparkles would not have his soul.

They wouldn't.


	25. Common Sense

**And common sense saves the day… but a little bit too late.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>"I see that you are already awake, Um-Kageyama!" a deep voice suddenly announced, not helping the mage's already frayed nerves.<p>

Ichiya stood in the doorway to the adjoining room. But there was no light beyond, and Kageyama could hardly see him even with the Sparkles' infernal glowing.

How long had Ichiya been standing there…? In the dark? …Watching him?

"Did you sleep well?" the older mage asked.

"Not really. It was too bright." Kageyama gestured vaguely at the Sparkles.

Ichiya gave him a strange look. "If their light bothered you, you could've just thrown a blanket over them."

…How the hell had that NOT occurred to him?!


	26. The Time Has Changed

**Sorry Gem! I decided to torture Lahar again.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>"Doranbolt," Lahar growled. "Why are you in my house?"<p>

"Just reminding you about your extra duty," the Intelligence Officer replied vaguely.

"You mean you came to rub it in my face."

"Oh, of course not. It's just… the meeting time may have been moved."

Just what had Lahar done to deserve a friend like Doranbolt? "To when?!"

"In about three hours, two of which you'll spend on the train so I suggest you get going now. After all, you don't want to be late to the first ever support group rehabilitation meeting. Especially since you're in charge of supervising it."


	27. Worse Things

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Kageyama swiftly discovered that there were worse things than being hugged by old, fat men in winged tutus.<p>

Worse than being dragged on a shopping trip and spa day with the Trimens.

Worse than getting lost in Ichiya's gargantuan, labyrinthine house.

Worse than his new room.

Worse than not being able to sleep all night.

Worse than being forced the next morning to take the as-yet-unconfirmed carnivorous man-eating Sparkles on a walk.

Worse than enduring a breakfast with Ichiya where the food was too pretty to possibly be edible.

And that something?

Taking a two hour train ride with Ichiya and the Trimens to the first support group meeting.


	28. The Meeting Begins

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

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><p>Kageyama and Lahar simultaneously discovered that there were things more awkward than a long train ride in the Trimens' and Ichiya's company, and waking up to find one's kitchen in flames.<p>

And that would be finding out that Kageyama was currently the ONLY prisoner out on parole.

So the large debriefing room in the Rune Knight outpost the meeting was being held in was sort of over-kill. Although the Trimens and Ichiya did their level best to make the place feel very full indeed.

Until Lahar kicked them out.

And here he'd thought Doranbolt was bad…

He almost felt sorry for Kageyama.


End file.
